Hello my friend. This page is one of the hardest that I have ever worked on. I said that about my Valentine's Day page, too, because this page and the Valentines Day page BOTH are dedicated to my little brother. I've started working on this page twice now...the first time, I ended up deleting it all from my hard drive, but this time, I am finishing it and putting it on-line.

Today, 19 November 1998, would be my brother's 35th birthday....and I wanted to do a total new design for this page as my gift to him.

3 Feb. 2000...As the 17th aniversary date of my brother's murder approaches I realize that along with the passage of the flowing years, the pain of losing him has grown far less painful than it was. I still think of him daily but it's not as bad as it once was, I know that I'll see him one day and I think that helps too.

This page is dedicated to my little brother, Eddie. He was born on 19 November, 1963, and died on 5 February 1983, shortly after his 19th birthday. A lot of people have asked me HOW my brother died. Well, he was stationed in Hawaii, having joined the Army at age 17. He came home to visit us all a very few months before his death, and while here, he talked a LOT of his funeral, and what he wanted done, and other matters of the heart. I couldn't imagine why he was talking 'funeral'...a 19 year old, healthy male?! Then, the last time that I held him, hugged him, I FELT something that I have never felt in my life, and never want to feel again. I FELT it....I KNEW it, within my very soul, that I would never see my baby brother again, alive. It's like he knew what was going to happen to him, and our family has wondered WHAT was going on and why was he killed? He was killed with his own serrated edged pocket knife.

Eddie had the full military funeral, 21 gun salute, etc.....with TWO flags instead of the one, because my parents both wanted one. I have that second flag sitting on my book case, sealed inside a zipped bag especially for flags. The song, "Freebird", which is the song you are hearing, was the song that Eddie wanted to be played at his funeral, and that is what was played. After the funeral, and the family was able to go back to the cemetary, two lovely pure white doves were seen flying off from his grave side. That is the reason for the white doves. The white dove is God's symbol of peace and love. I love my brother, and I know that he is at peace. I can't SEE him in the physical sense any more...not YET, but I can feel him beside me.

I've lost family .... I've lost quite a few members of my family, in fact. Although I love them all, none has ever affected me as my brother's death has. Eddie was more than just my brother...he was like one of my very own babies. I've never in my life had so much as an argument with Eddie, not that I can remember, that is! I may have when he was a toddler, but really don't remember EVER having even a cross word with him. I can't say that about the other kids in the family! :) We and they all fought!

Not a day, in all these 15 years, has gone by that I didn't think of him, and miss him. I feel like I've lost one of my best friends and a huge chunk of ME. I really feel for people that have lost one of their children....because the way that I hurt, over my brother, has to be thousands of times magnified for people that have lost one of their own babes. A LOT of it is the thought that the death was so sudden and he was so young. He never got to experience the joy of life, the joy of anything. He never got to hold his own babe in his arms...no, he didn't ever become a daddy, but he never got the chance. That chance was stolen from him by a guy that got off scot-free. Since my brother was dead, and couldn't defend himself in court, the guy claimed self-defense and got off with a "slap on the wrist".

Death, regardless of age or circumstance, is so hard to handle.....one day someone is here, the next they are GONE and we don't see them anymore. But not a day goes by that he's not on my mind, in my heart....and somehow I feel he's watching over us ... waiting for that joyous reunion we'll enjoy one day!

Decide to forgive, for resentment is negative, resentment is poisonous.
Resentment diminishes and devours the self.
Be the first to forgive, to smile and to take the first step,
And you will see happiness bloom on the face of your human brother or sister.

Be always the first; do not wait for others to forgive
For by forgiving you become the master of fate,
The fashioner of life, the doer of miracles.
To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.
In return you will receive untold peace and happiness.

I can remember telling my brother "Fly Free little brother".....he was 17 and about to join the Army and it meant a LOT to him to be able to be out on his own to start living his life the way he wanted to. All I wanted was for him to be happy and that's all I'll ever expect from him or anyone else...so Eddie this I say to you again, "Fly free little brother! Fly free, fly proud and fly happy....I'll see you one day again and together we'll both FLY FREE, little brother"!

I'll never understand death....I guess none of us will! Not utill we go ourselves! When my brother's belongings were shipped home there was a little black Cricket lighter in his belongings. I have that lighter, as well as other of his belongings....anyhow, every once in a while I'll get his stuff out to hold, and that lighter still flares strongly over 15 years later!

I had an auto accident last year and died three times.....I don't remember any "death experience"....at least not yet.....but I like to think and hope that I did get to see and hold my precious little baby brother again! One day I hope that I will be able to remember what happened to me and where I went those three times! I know how very precious life is and it's so very important to tell those that mean so much to us just how much we truly love them and show it to them in our every deed, thought, etc! In the blinking of an eye anything can happen and our loved ones or even our own selves, could be gone, leaving those behind to suffer and mourne, so as not to have regret that maybe you didn't tell them often enough that you love them, it's best to let them OVERLY hear it now!.